Meimei recently reminded me that I am scary when I am under stress. Very scary when the stress is intense.
That was mainly drawn from her experience waaaay back when we were in JC. I did something dreadful in choir and that left some unforgettable shadow in her subconscious mind forever. 留下永久的阴影... hahahaa how fun it was.
Well probably I tend to lose my temper easily when I have lots of things in mind. Even more when the stuffs are pressing and has been haunting for sometime and I feel very helpless. I guess at this phase I am just more prone to displaying my weaknesses in the open and tend to offend people unintentionally. Rather to say I am changing, I think I am just showing another side of me. Maybe I have some degree of split personality that I didn't know.
Ya actually I do believe in that, and I believe in the existence of Aliens. Aliens from the other planets somewhere. Call me an oddball and label me all you like, but that's me.
I try to change myself to suit the world, but at some point in time things that happen along the way are signalling me that it might not worth it. Yet, I tend to stupidly stubbornly proceed nevertheless. Even when it's not well appreciated.
I used to be an attention seeker. In fact I think even nowadays I still show such tendency. But it is already way milder than it used to be, especially when I was young. Along the way, looking at how people around me behaves did expose me the other side of the wonder: the art of staying behind the scene and just relax, finding tranquility in your own self. A brief moment of back off could yield fascinating experience in calming down your mind. Or even laughing at how you used to work so hard for something.
And upon my graduation from JC, this is what my GP tutor personally left as a piece of advice. And I am going to take it as a motto in life.
"Always give your best, then be at peace with yourself. For life is always much more than perpetual competition with others."
Given my current ability in handling my commitments, I am trying my very best to accommodate. Not that I do not want to care, but I can't do much more if my efforts are not appreciated. In fact I still do care, I just don't know how to do it anymore. |
