Thoughts of a Rodent

Have been chatting with a friend for 2 consecutive nights before her departure to France and she was telling me how much she miss home already even before departure. Well I think this is something worth doing, coz it shows how much you still love your family. As for me, I have been missing home ever since I first came over on 26 Dec 1999. Yes I still remember this very date of one of the biggest turning point of my life (so far). And for now having spent one-third of my entire life (so far, of course) here away from home, I am proud of myself that I still miss home. Missing home is definitely something good and there's nothing to be ashamed about.

But I do regret tho over certain things:

1. I should have spent more time at home before my departure to Germany.
However, circumstances do force you to make decisions otherwise. Piles and piles of unwanted and undesired Scheiße sometimes just choose a time, so that all of them could happen to you within a rather simultaneous time frame. From visa application to hoping for a job. At least something to do to kill the time. But well, all I could do is wait. And I dare to make this sweeping statement although this is strictly prohibited in A Level General Paper:

ALL Bureaucracies in this world are alike - they do not control the system, rather they are controlled by the system. THE system.

Oh yeah, something unrelated, but last week I received a notice announcing "good news" about fees remaining at status quo at least for the next academic year. My response? At the very first place, the fees are determined by the Board which is under your own control. Now you act as if you have no control over it and announce the good news to us. As if you consulted for our opinions when you decided to raise the fees. What do you expect us to do? Kneel down and give you a thousand kowtows saying "谢主隆恩"？

Let me remind you that I have TWO middle fingers.

Oh yeah, so back to the topic. Should have stayed at home these few days. But sometimes I guess I am used to living independently. So there bound to be certain things I am not used to be bound to something when I am at home. I do not mean that I want a total freedom la, I dont have such financial ability and power to do that anyway. But at least sometimes you need some personal space I guess. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being at home. Guess it's just myself sometimes. However, it's always good to be home. You can sleep all the way until 1 pm (and later being scolded for sleeping until so late and havent eat lunch when mother comes back home. muahaha). That is what I called family life man.

2. I should have gone for exchange in my second year.
Well, not much explanation for this other than me being absolutely stupid and blur in my first year, not knowing how to go around the protocols by then.

3. I should have joined Resonance WAY earlier.
For one I know, I am late for 2 years. But better late then never yeah. Felt this even more as I joined more practices. I have since made a great bunch of new friends and they are all just so cool! For years ever since I entered secondary school (and not able to join the Band simply because it does not exist then in the school), I have been searching for something that I belong to. And it took me a bloody 8 years to discover where I belong. Only about 5 years ago I discovered even myself have the singing cell. Not that it is fantastic, but I am intrigued by the fact that it DOES exist in me. haha... Started singing (in a choir) only in 17, I have definitely much more to catch up. And really thanks for taking me in. I appreciate every single opportunity that is given to me. And yet, I can't take part in the upcoming gigs that have been planned for us. Am truly very sorry about that. Circumstances again.

There's this one thing that I have never regretted about, and that's coming over here to study for so many years. I have learnt to be independent, I have learnt to be responsible for myself and for people closest to me. I have learnt to appreciate and love my family and my home country MORE, and most importantly I have made a significant bunch of great friends over the years. All of you are my sources of inspiration and without you, I wouldn't have survived through these years. Thanks my friends. And million thanks to my parents and brothers as well for all the support you have rendered me for these years. I really don't know how I could pay it back, and I truly appreciate it.

And so what is next? 22 days left counting down to departure. 18 days counting down to Chinese New Year.

Went to watch 心情溶剂 grand final at UCC. After watching the events going on for 3 consecutive years, I must say that the organizing committee is really getting much better each time and they are becoming more and more professional. Kudos to them! It's definitely not easy at all to organize such a competition at a national level. At the end of the day, it is very encouraging to see that not only their efforts have all been paid off in putting up such an excellent event, I bet they have learnt a lot about life in the process, and made countless number of good friends. Sometimes I wish I could be part of them too. Haha... Congratulations! I am very proud of you all! I'm sure the rest of the KEVIIans too.

Hehe... then actually stayed up all the way until 4 am. And I just learnt that such a stay up could actually yield good experimental results. So it kind of paid off yar. Hehe...Way to go CP! You can do it ;)

And I finally got the Information Package and the Letter of Confirmation of a place for my intensive German course in March yesterday too. This time they are smarter after I sent them an email telling them I still have not received the original version of Letter of Admission from them. Haha... more to the letters, all the information sent to me are actually entirely in German. Not that I could understand every single word, but should I not have any prior knowledge in that I would have doomed :S Took me some time to flip through the dictionary trying to find out the meaning of certain terminologies like Zulassungsbescheid, Privathaftpflichtversicherung. Muahaha.... Like I have always said, German language is fun! And it is precisely these long stringed words that sparked off my interest in learning the language. Are those looooong words not cool? :P

Yeah at least for now, still (patiently) waiting for the Visa to approve. Its actually more like a Residence Permit than a Visa in the German context. But nevermind. And managed to catch my friend TW who is currently studying in Bath. He would be our main tour guide while in UK and would depend heavily on him for the trip to London. Thanks dude!

Hmm nothing much lar other than all these stuffs. Pretty mundane yar. Just can hope for the best now.

23 months and 2 days, or 696.5 days. That's exactly the number (first blog dated back to 25 Feb 2005) of days that I have used the previous version (Scribe) as my blog template. Found this template kind of complicated but yet, there is still a trace of simplicity. Just like my mind. And guess what it's title is?

"Lonely"

Muahaha... So I decided to use this as my new template. Not sure how long I will keep this, maybe another 696.5 days at least? Or until I find out enough people out there who share the identical blog template (which was the main driving force for my growing eagerness to change to a new template).

Anyway a new, though short, phase of my study life is about to begin. So time to make some "refreshments". The only difference is that this refreshment cannot be eaten lar. Muahaha

[Warning: The contents of this post may potentially cause discomfort or even nausea to the reader. If you are easily affected by the bodily terminologies, please refrain from proceeding. Thanks.]

Sometimes, I really feel like cutting off my nose. Ever since like 10 years old it has been leaking whenever and wherever it likes for whatever duration that it is happy about. Saw a specialist once, and apparently it did not help much in curing this, I don't know whether it is a disease or what. I would have suspected possible cases of nose cancer or something if I am hypochondriac enough.

Ok, maybe it isn't the nose problem. It's the sinus problem but it's been already a freaking 12 years and why does it still leaking and not mend itself if there's a hole that will leak through and out from the nose? And what the heck are all the fluids that leak out from the nose? It is flowing like salted water and it just drips. And my nose is irritated all the time, sneezing for no reason.

And when I am prepared to see the doctor, it functions as per normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can someone out there please put me out of this misery... 12 freaking years!

Am I that easy to bully?

Before I could realize it, actually it's only a month left before my departure to Germany. Looking forward into it ever more but at the same time feeling a little heavy as well. Haha... think I am going to make a missing list (i.e. list of things that I am going to miss for 5 months) now.

Performances
1. Take 6 concert (11 March)
2. Resonance RFY gig at Arts Cafe Esplanade (mid March, damn this is a very big miss... sigh)
3. Amplitude 2007 (18 March)
4. Phantom of the Opera (musical in Singapore)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghox!

Food
1. Durian (actually not really la... just one season anyway so won't have too much of withdrawal symptoms.)
2. Ramli Burger (I specifically mean that sold beside Shell petrol station within 1 km out of my house. USJ 4 Ramli....)
3. Rice (any form of cooking it I guess)
4. Roti Canai (okay... Roti Prata as it is called in Singapore, but i mean that found in Mamak stalls back at home)

And my list is dead for now. Brain shut down already. Will update it now and then. hahaa....

Things I will be sick of when I get there
1. Potatoes
2. Apfelschorle (It's a mixture of Apfelsaft (apple juice) and carbonated plain water. You will understand exactly why I mean this if you have been to Germany and you are not used to drinking ONLY carbonated plain water EVERYDAY)
3. Kebab (they better be good, man. They better be. should be my main source of nutrition owing to their cheaper cost.)

And I have yet to pack my luggage, and I have yet to buy travel insurance, yet to get my visa.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!

Nevermind, sleep first.

Reflection
(Haha I think this one failed considerably)

Actually, there has not been anything new. No calls from Embassy, no job whatsoever. Don't think I am motivated to work anymore. Anyway who in this pragmatic and sane world would want to employ a foreign student like me who does not possess any qualifications as yet?

But I have something currently in mind to solve. That which I have to start right after my return from exchange in coming August. Yes, final year projects. 2 of the profs that I queried about asked the same question: Is it not a little too early to find out about Honours year projects? Early indeed but not for me, as I explained my current situation here. Anyway, this is not kiasu, but just making sure I am not treated unfairly by the system (those who went through this before would know exactly what kind of system I am talking about, and believe me, all bureaucracies on this world are complicated. There seems to be a lot of hurdles to go through, and somehow they are there just to give you troubles. "Sorry, but the system does not allow this. Sorry, but we can't do anything to the system." Sadly humans over here at the advent of highly sophisticated technology are becoming more and more succumbed to being controlled by the system rather than changing it. Or being more "corporatized", they are just doing their job in ensuring more revenues for the Institution by finding all sorts of excuses to make students stay and above all, pay for an extra semester of fees.) and protecting myself.

One reality learnt in life: No one excepts you can protect yourself. So love yourself. For those who are still growing up, welcome to the real world. More for you to learn.

Yup and also taking the remaining one month to settle things like plans in London and stuffs like that. Exchange is not that fun afterall.

But nevermind, at the end of the day I learnt a lot and will sure get to enjoy myself somehow.

Before I actually realized this, there's only about 5 weeks left to my long anticipated exchange. It can be said that my decision to study in NUS was almost entirely the Language Preparation Programme offered here. So my exchange was actually planned since the moment I matriculated and signed up to learn the German language. The long wait has finally come to near realization now. Hooray! Really miss my host families in Ebringen now and can't wait to see them again!

Yup, in case anyone wonders why I announced the banning of several words in MSN conversation, things hasnt been going well last week, so I apologize for not being in a good mood and if I offended you last week. But it took a turn to a slightly better one towards the end of the week. In case if you want to know, the following are the detailed narration of what happened. If you are not interested, thank you and have a nice day. You may now navigate to other blogs.

1. Visa Application - This task is of utmost importance as to my reason for staying in Singapore instead of staying at home while waiting to fly off. Had to do the most important procedure of all -visa application- before anything else can come true.

Yep, so I heard the visa takes up to 8 weeks to process, and counting the time left, I was actually late already. So I decided to go apply on Monday 8 Jan nonetheless despite having been waiting for the so-called admission letter from the partner university, which the former was said to be "on the way" since 15 Dec but I still have not seen a single atom of the shadow until this very moment. Yup so anyone also can guess the outcome. I had to go back on Tuesday 9 Jan. Luckily it went through on that day and I will have to wait for 23 working days at least. And all I can wait for is a telephone call from them.

2. Job application - Thought of doing something that can earn myself some pocket money to spend in Europe while waiting for the visa to be approved. So, I actually planned for this since end of October 2006 and submitted application through MOE to register as a relief teacher since mid November 2006. What I did not know was that I should have just renewed my application, but I submitted a brand new application instead. So, until now
"You application for registration as a relief teacher is still under consideration."

So right now while procrastinating, I am also looking for professors around for a possible supervisor for my HYP. Hope things will go on smoothly bah. Sigh, need to mug the journals about their projects.

都已经22岁了，有时候还是觉得我不太了解自己。我到底是一个怎样的人？有时候觉得自己很虚伪，讲是一套，做又是另一套。多年来这么努力有什么用，还是摆脱不了自己愚蠢的事实。长得这么大了，思想却又是真的还很天真，嘴巴总是没有遮拦，得罪了人都不知道。又没有比我还要烂的人啊？

或许是我太有空开始胡思乱想，或许是我太敏感。或许我本来就是一个自我中心的人。

Hope everything is going well for everyone in the very new year. Unfortunately it seems that the new year did not really begin that well for me. Things that might seem to be trivial to others but are very important to me. Anyway, I know there's no point being grumpy and complain all about it, whatever Scheiße that is happening will not get better. Maybe letting it all out will make myself feel better just for a split second?

It seems that the world is trying to play a trick on me. Testing my patience over and over again trying to see where my limit lies. Each time I persevered, new things comes in, assimilates and accumulates to the misery testing my new limits.

Things seem to go wrong since I returned to Singapore. From waiting for an admission letter crucial for visa application to waiting for a job application to be approved to waiting for the money to be debited into my account and to applying for the big visa, and to sending money by bank draft by Speedpost.

Are all these jokes? These aren't funny jokes. They are not lame. Surprises after surprises, yet I could not do ANYTHING about them. Life cannot always be smooth, eh? I suppose so. But why does all Scheiße happen at the same time? They are not synchronous, but rather simultaneous.

A friend just told me about giving without thinking too much. But sometimes as it feels like: So, what did I get out of lending a helping hand to a very great extent? I know by saying this, it does reflect about my subconscious mind to expect for returns. I should learn to give MORE happily. And never think about the returns. Shall try to achieve that.

Sometimes I feel hypocritical of myself. Am I a hypocrite?

And I realized there's still so much things to do for SEP as I arrive back in Singapore after spending almost exactly 2 weeks at home. And it feeels different this time round as I am not involved in bidding of modules through CORS this semester, hence out of all the once-a-semester-huge-headaches. Nothing else to do other than applying for visa, sending out my reservation fees to Germany ASAP, looking for a job and maybe going for a couple of concerts, really have nothing else to do. Haha ok for this I know I will be severely beaten up. But nevermind. These are what I am supposed to do like tomorrow. Muahaha... Actually still have things on the list but not put up.

Anyway, yup. Thats it lah.